The Deed of Divorce: An Open Letter to Society

Written By: Rabia Nazir

(This letter is a continuation of the previous one with a different addressee)

Dear People,

I hope that something, if not everything, is definitely going great in your life. Have you ever imagined someone for whom, at this very moment, nothing is going great in life? They are breathing the same air as you are. They may appear alright but may be going through low self-esteem and anxiety. They are around you; your college-mate 5 years back, the girl next doors, or your housemaid. Sometimes they cannot answer all of your questions about their life choices for some strange reasons. Who are they? The women for whom marital relationships have not worked out the way it have worked for the most of you. What are they afraid of? Your rejection! How could you possibly help? By NOT judging!

Let us assume that you were walking on a busy road. You met someone seeming reasonable on the road and soon you became kind of friends with them. After a while you started getting along quite well and you both decided to keep walking together for the rest of journey. On the way, you had to stop by for a moment on a shop and you decided to leave some of your stuff with your new friend. You returned quickly from the shop. Lo and Behold! Your friend ran away with your stuff. You have been deceived and robbed. What would you call it? An accident! Was it your fault? Not really! Or may be ‘Yes’ because you probably trusted the wrong person.

Dear Society, the person who has been robbed is ‘the divorced woman’, the robber is their ‘faulty life partner’, and the stuff robbed is ‘trust’. You are probably lucky enough not be robbed yet. I want to ask you what could possibly be the fault of the person who has been robbed. And come on! Have you never ever made a mistake in making friends?? What I’m trying to point out here is that you are no one to point a finger towards such a woman for whom you have no idea what she has been through. She is ‘a victim’ NOT ‘a suspected criminal’. She has been robbed of her self-worth. She needs acceptance, support, and respect.

I know you show respect to her suffering but do you treat them as you treat your own daughter or sister? You hunt ‘Mr. Perfect Right’ for them but a divorcee is pushed to settle with ‘Mr. Second-Hand’. Let’s go back to ‘why did the divorce happen?’ in the first place. To live with self-respect! People, you need to realize that if a divorcee had to ‘choose to suffer’, she would have not certainly won herself this title. If she has been brave enough to embrace this title, she does deserve ‘Mr. Perfect Right’ like your own girls.

I am ending this letter with a quote I read somewhere; it says

‘When you judge someone, it does not show who they are but it shows who you are’.

I am looking forward to who you are..


Someone who breathes the same air as you!

1 Comment

  1. Rabia I feel the idea of the women being rubbed is the ‘victim syndrome’ for the girls, I am definitely can’t agree more about all women deserve the same respect, but also I would point out sometimes, say, women grew up and they realised the relationship is toxic, for example, the man accompanies the woman along the road didn’t run away, but instead, emotionally belittle her, physically abuse her and let her do all the work, in that case the woman is the one that would be running a million miles rather than the man. We should congratulate her for getting out of the self destruction spiral rather than suffer in it. She didn’t get anything rubbed away from her but she has grown and developed and deserve all our applause.


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