Written By: Rabia Nazir
[To whom it may concern]
My Dear Woman,
I understand that this letter may not find you in the best of your spirits. I cannot feel the same what you are feeling right now but I can imagine the thoughts and illusions crossing your mind and heart every single minute. I, certainly, am not in the capacity to change anything for you but I am writing this letter to open a new door for you to what could possibly be different from this moment.
It is easier said than done that ‘ITS OK! You will be fine’. It is not going to be OK anytime soon but you will be fine once you change your beliefs about yourself. Yes, it’s all about how you see yourself. People often fail to see that they could find themselves too standing in a similar situation where staying or leaving in a worthless marriage is equally painful. Unfortunately, unlike marriage, divorce is neither a pre-planned nor a happy occasion. You must have gone through depression and frequent episodes of nightmares before reaching the decision of ending the relationship. It has not been easy, you see. However, I am glad that you chose your self-respect and dignity over keeping up the appearances in the culture of silent suffering. People around you might be feeling sorry. Leave them to fidget their minds around why, what, and how. The only important thing to remember is that pity is for helpless and you are brave. You have shown strength in the face of the norms that you can stand-up for yourself.
I am so proud of you for this!
Divorce is an unwelcoming phenomenon is our culture and people often lose the decency to respect the limits of someone’s body and mind while desperate to ‘dig the matter out’. So, my lovely, how should you respond? We always hear that love is unconditional and that’s what you are going to witness in coming days. Be it your parent, your colleague, you friend, or your neighbor, the people who believed in you will continue to believe in you no matter what… because they are in love with your persona and one failed relationship cannot change it. I don’t know if you have many loving people around you or not but unconditional love of one human being is enough and more than enough. Choose a circle for yourself all over again and this time the criterion is solely unconditional love and mutual respect. Let me tell you that even if you don’t have anyone, you have yourself. Love yourself! Success, health, fortune, and happiness; you have a share in whatever is available in the world outside your window.
Heyy! Go and get your share; you are not coming to this world a second time. Are you???
You know what is the biggest loss in divorce? A flawless public image? No! A home or car? No! Virginity? No! It is not the relationship which breaks; it is the ‘self-trust’ which breaks. My lady, keep reminding yourself that being knocked down is an accident but staying down is a choice. Work in little steps towards rebuilding the trust in relationships and stick to the mantra that you are as worthy of a happy relationship as everyone else around you. Beware that there will be times when you will dragged down to ‘settle-in’ for whatever is available. You might also cross paths with trespassers who will try to entertain themselves because they will perceive you as a vulnerable person but you are not my dear. You can only outsmart such people if you keep a sorted-head about relationship goals. You will be surprised to see that how clarity of mind will lead your eyes towards the right path. Say ‘thanks’ to them anyway and keep going. You are not that attractive ornament available on 70% discount in the market but you have a full-price to be paid and you deserve to be invested in. By the way, what is so wrong with having a life beyond relationships? I don’t mind but , meanwhile, there is so much to do out there.
Heyy! Get up and make yourself useful. You never know somebody somewhere may need you more than you need anyone…..
It is a dark phase indeed but ‘it shall too pass’. My friend, it does make sense to allow yourself to experience disappointment, sadness, and tears at times. However, do not make these emotions permanent residents of your heart. Whatever the reason may be and whatever the consequences may be, you are now at the end of darkness and at the same time you could be at the beginning of light, if you choose.
Heyy! I am looking forward for your return as self-content and above all a happy human being open to love and trust. Missing your smiley and sparkly eyes!
Your Future Self
Disclaimer: The author felt that the material presented in the article does not need references from literature as no fact and figures has been included as such.